"I hate pets."
That had become my mantra lately.
I looked over at Jet, one hand pushing my wet and bedraggled hair out of my eyes, and gave him a strong glare. But it lost most of its effectiveness when I looked like a drowned rat. Jet had to fight to keep from laughing at me, which did not make me feel the slightest bit better about any of this.
"You're the one who brought him back here," Jet took great pleasure in reminding me. As if I could forget.
"Damn mutt," I growled, turning my glare on the animal in question. Said glare was still not very effective, obviously. Ein seemed to take my muttering as an invitation or something, because before I had a chance to blink, the dog let out a happy bark and jumped out of the bathtub and into my arms. Water splashed everywhere but Ein didn't seem to mind in the least. He just started trying to lick my face.
"Aaaaargh!" I cried in disgust, trying to hold the dog away from me. "What the hell do you think you're doing, mutt?"
And for the third time in just a few minutes, my anger was less than effective. Ein just looked at me with that "look" of his and wagged his little stump of a tail with even more enthusiasm than before.
Sighing, I put the dog back into the bathtub and wagged my finger at him sternly. "You stay, got it?"
"You hear me? Stay in the tub."
Head cocked to the side.
Tail began to wag again.
"That means don't move."
Paws began to scratch at the side of the bathtub, trying to find purchase. The little mutt was trying to escape again! Damn it.
Jet chuckled and helped me push the dog back into a sitting position in the now tepid bathwater. "It's not like he can understand you. He's just a dog."
"Oh, I think he understands alright. He just likes to piss me off. Evil little mutt." Yes, I was being unreasonable. But at this point I didn't give a rat's ass about being reasonable. I glared at Ein and pointed my finger at him like it was a gun. "Bang, you're dead."
The dog responded by trying to bite my finger clean off.
"Shit!" I yelled, yanking my hand out of Ein's reach. "The little fucker tried to bite me. AGAIN."
I gave the mutt an accusing glare, making extra sure than none of my appendages were in biting range.
"Stop whining and help me, Spike."
"Wow, thanks for the sympathy there, Jet," I muttered sarcastically, reaching out and very carefully placing my hands on Ein's back. When it didn't look like he was going to go attack dog on me any time soon, I adjusted my hold on him so he couldn't crawl out of the bathtub again.
"My pleasure," was Jet's smug reply as he got back to work washing the soap out of the dog's fur.
Soon we were FINALLY done and Jet grabbed a couple of old towels. He handed me one and used the other to start drying Ein off.
Standing up, I began to try and squeeze the excess water out of my clothes. When I'd gotten them as dry as they were going to get for the moment, I set to work on my soggy hair.
A loud splash, followed by a muffled curse and a bark grabbed my attention and I looked down just in time to see Ein streak past, the towel Jet had been using to dry him caught firmly between his teeth and flying out behind him like a flag. He left a trail of water in his wake as he skidded around the corner and disappeared from sight.
Looking back over my shoulder, I was greeted with the sight of Jet on his back in the bathtub, drenched in water, his legs kicking ineffectually as he tried to stand up. Too bad he kept slipping and landing back in the water.
I couldn't help it. I began to laugh.
Tears leaked out from the corners of my eyes and my hands wrapped around my stomach as I doubled over from laughing so hard.
"Okay, now this is NOT funny."
"Sorry... Jet... can't... help... it," I managed to get out from in-between fits of laughter.
"Would you cut it out and help me out of here?"
Nodding, I choked down more laughter as I reached out and gave Jet a hand up. Once he was out of the bathtub and standing on his own two feet again, I held my towel out to him. "I think you need this more than I do."
Jet frowned. "Ha ha, very funny, Spike." But he still snatched the towel out of my hands and began trying to dry off.
"Well, Jet, this was certainly entertaining," I commented. Smirking, I stuffed my hands into my pockets and made my way out the door, careful not to slip in all the water that Ein had left in his wake.
Jet followed me out into the hallway, towel in hand. "Hey, Spike! Where are you going? Aren't you going to help me find Ein?"
I shrugged and kept walking. "Not my problem. I voted to just eat the damn mutt."
"Spike! Wait! Come back! Spike? Hey! Spike!"
And somewhere in the distance, the sound of a dog barking was accompanied by the crashing of pots and pans.
"Damn it! My kitchen! Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!"
See you Space Cowboy...