PAIRING: Badger/Simon/River
THANKS: llaras, for telling me it didn't suck.
BLAME GAME: skripka, because it's all her fault. Really.
JEDI MIND TRICK: finitejester37... Yes, this IS the drabble you're looking for.


Me pants are too tight and makin' me berlins wobbly.

'Course, that wouldn't be the case if it weren't for that yuchun doctor. Ain't right, 'im bein' so pretty. With them 'ands 'e's got, all delicate. And them eyes, when they're lookin' at you, all intense. Like maybe 'e wants to eat you alive.

'e's stoke, 'e is. Right first. 'as to be, the way 'e looks at all the gents on that boat. Makes me wanna say, "Come and give us a nice mix and muddle. Make 'ole Badger 'appy."

And then there's that sister of 'is. She's a nice twist, if ever I saw one. Bloody 'ell, but I'd like to get a piece of 'er sometime. Or 'im. Or maybe 'ave them both. Yeah, now that there's a nice thought. Me Uncle Bob's gettin' excited just thinkin' about it.

Not like to 'appen any time soon, though, sad to say. That cap'n of theirs don't trust me, not that I've given 'im any reason to. No, I'd say me chances of gettin' on board that piece of goushi 'e calls a ship are slim to none. And if I even tried, 'e and 'is crew would just 'ave a right, good wally at me expense.

No, best I just keep to meself. Go to the pub and try and find meself a nice bit of fluff to play with. Because them two? Nothin' but trouble for somebody like me.

Just wish I didn't like trouble so damn much...